Get ready to groan and cringe! In this article, we’ve compiled a list of 111+ awful puns that will make your eyes roll and your stomach ache from laughing (or maybe from nausea). A pun is a play on words that exploits the multiple meanings of a term or phrase, often for humorous effect. While some people love puns, others can’t stand them. Either way, here are some incredibly bad puns you won’t soon forget.
What are Awful Puns?
Awful puns are play-on-word jokes that are so bad they’re good. They often involve wordplay, homophones, and punny twists that may make you chuckle or roll your eyes. They’re like dad jokes, but cheesier and packed with even more groan-worthy humor.
Best Short Awful Puns
- I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
- Did you hear about the restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu, you get what you deserve.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumbly.
- Two guys stole a calendar. They each got six months.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
- I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
- What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
- I dreamed about drowning in an ocean of orange soda. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta-sea.
- I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.
- I’m reading a book about teleportation. It’s bound to go places.
- I’m reading a book on how to make staircases. It’s a step-by-step guide.
- This morning, I woke up to find someone had stolen all my lamps. I was delighted.
- When life gives you melons, you might have dyslexia.
- I’m really into yoga, but I’m also into “na-mah-stay-in-bed.”
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- I got a reversible coat for my birthday. I can’t wait to see how it turns out!
- I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
- I have a photographic memory. But I also have amnesia, so sometimes it cancels out.
- I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
- I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
- Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it’s too far to walk.
- I don’t play soccer because I enjoy it. I play it for the kicks.
One-Liner Awful Puns
- I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
- I got a job at a bakery to knead some dough.
- I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- The man who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
- I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
- I have a photographic memory but sometimes I forget to take the lens cap off.
- The police arrested me for stealing wheels off a car. I couldn’t help myself – they were wheelie good.
- What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
- I’m a big fan of whiteboards. They’re re-markable.
- I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
- I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
- I’m reading a book about teleportation. It’s bound to go places.
- I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- I’m reading a book on how to make stairs. It’s a step-by-step guide.
- I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but it’s really hard to find good players.
- I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- I’m really good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Funny Puns for Awful
- I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
- What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- I’m terrible at cooking, but I can mac and cheese my way through the day.
- I used to play the triangle, but I couldn’t find my small parking spot.
- I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
- Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
- I have a pun about construction, but I’m still working on that joke.
- I once had a dream that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
- The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself “This changes everything”.
- When the dentist asked me if I flossed, I told him “Only when I eat.”
Awful Puns for Kids
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself? Because it’s two-tired.
- Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because it was already stuffed.
- Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? “Rrrrr”.
- Why did the cow go to outer space? To see the moooon.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.
Awful Puns Used in Movies
- “I’m Luke Skywalkin’ on these haters.” – Solo: A Star Wars Story
- “You’re not a Jedi yet.” – The Empire Strikes Back
- “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.” – 2001: A Space Odyssey
- “What’s the difference between a duck? One of its legs is both the same.” – Airplane!
- “That’s what makes me so tough.” – Airplane!
- “I’ve had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday-to-Friday plane.” – Snakes on a Plane
- “Why so serious?” – The Dark Knight
- “You had me at hello.” – Jerry Maguire
- “I’ll be back.” – The Terminator
- “I’m the king of the world!” – Titanic
Key Takeaways
Whether you love them or hate them, puns are here to stay. They’re a fun and silly way to play with language and make people laugh. Awful puns are a special breed of puns that are so cheesy, they’re brilliant. From one-liners to jokes for kids, these puns are guaranteed to make you groan and chuckle. Even in movies, we can’t escape the puns. Love them or hate them, puns are one of the best ways to inject some humor into your day. So start pun-ishing your friends and family with these awful puns today!
