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105+ Football Puns That Will Leave You in Stitches

Football puns list
Written by Hilly Martin

Whether you’re a football fan or not, you’re going to enjoy these funny football puns and captions! They are sure to make you laugh Football Puns season is in full swing, so we’ve put together this list of the funniest Football Puns-themed captions and puns for your enjoyment.

So, From helmet jokes to player nicknames, we’ve got them all! So grab some popcorn and get ready for some laughs. Go team! Whether you’re a hardcore fan or just watching football puns for the commercials, these will get you in the spirit! So grab a hot dog, some popcorn, and get ready to laugh your head off. Enjoy!

For More: 5 Example of Puns with Examples [Guide]

Funny Puns for football

Football Puns and Captions

  • What do you call a Croatian footballer? Golfer.
  • Did you hear about the new Italian striker? He was sent off before he made his debut.
  • Nedved reads a book- “Jankovic, Jankovic!”
  • A man pushed past me in the street and I shouted after him “Was it something I said?”
  • What do you call a player who hangs around with footballers? A referee.
  • If at first the opponent’s goalkeeper saves, you should try and score an own goal.
  • All I ever wanted was for Wayne Rooney to play the piano like Frank Sinatra.
  • If Messi had played with Maradona he would be called Lionel Andres.
  • What do you call a player who loves football? A referee .
  • Why did God invent alcohol? So Man United fans could get laid too.
  • I went to a Liverpool-Arsenal match and it was a draw.
  • What did the Bolton fan say when he bought his new car? “Take me to the Arsenal!”
  • A player fell over in front of me, I shouted “play on” but he said he was injured so I booked him.
  • Man City have just signed a new player. He’s called “Championship experience”
  • What’s got 20 legs and can’t walk? A Chelsea penalty box.
  • Why do footballers always run into the dressing room before they come out to play? It saves time if you shower afterwords.
  • My wife has got a new job as the Everton goalposts.

Short Football Puns

  • Stephane Henchoz once caught the ball so well he was awarded “catch of the season”.
  • I’m not jealous of Ronaldo’s car collection. It’s just all the cars I’ve missed.
  • What do you call a footballer with no arms and no legs? Trustworthy.
  • I saw Ronaldo in his truck this morning, he’s start using it to tow his caravan.
  • The football players all got together and danced at the Foot Ball.
  • It’s illegal to tackle without giving your body a twist.
  • During the game, the footballer got hit in the head with a ball. He said “That was offside”.
  • When you’re at home watching football on television, it doesn’t matter what team you support. Your team will always lose.
  • 1st down…2nd down…3rd down…4th and goal. The football player decided to go for a pass.
  • He tackled his opponent, but got called for holding instead.
  • Two weeks later the footballer got injured during another game and had to miss playing with his team.
  • One of the football players went into work on Monday without any injuries.
  • The footballers were going on a hike through a forest, but got lost.
  • A lineman tried to jump the gun and run onto the field before it was his turn.
  • So, If you’re playing with a football in space, you don’t need goal posts. Just kicking the ball is enough to keep score.

Football Puns One liners

  • Although many people enjoy watching football, others prefer to steal their stuff.
  • A football player with a ball notices that his shoes and socks are missing. He says, “I’m going to kill my wife.”
  • The football players wanted to show off their skills at the Soccer Ball.
  • One of the footballers got two yellow cards and then also got a red card as well.
  • When you give a football player some vegetables, he’ll play better on Monday night.
  • The footballer was playing so well during the game that he couldn’t be contain.
  • A footballer went to the supermarket to get his vegetables for the week.
  • If you want to have more fun watching football games, watch them while drinking your favorite beverage.
  • The football players were all playing a game, but they quickly noticed their ball was missing.
  • It’s not easy to win when you’re playing against the best team in the league.
  • The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party!
  • If you think the ref is terrible, wait till you see my dance moves!
  • The Cowboys and the Vikings in a mud wrestling match: Who would win?
  • Always marry for love – if you can find it. 
  • I’m not short for money; I’m short of stature!
  • You’ve never been injured playing football?… Just wait…
  • Honk if you love American football!
  • I’m not short for money; I’m short of stature.
  • The players won’t be the only ones getting their heads shaved at this party!
  • Every dog has its day, unless you bring a lion to the match – then every dog has half a day.

Football Puns Captions

  • Check out this book so if you want to improve your sprinting speed!
  • I’m the man with a plan to take down this party.
  • You may think I’m over the hill, but I’ve still got plenty of roll left in me!
  • Two years ago she was just a water girl, now she is responsible for keeping her team hydrated.
  • Because they won’t be the only ones getting their pants pulled down at this party!
  • Heard about the football player who got sacked? He made a really good play for his team, but he made one mistake… he ran into the wrong end zone.
  • Check out these books if you want to improve your throwing arm!
  • It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s just an average football player.
  • 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case…coincidence? I think not!
  • In space no one can hear you come last!
  • I’m the type of guy that will kick your ass then take your girlfriend out for pizza and beer
  •  What did the wild receiver say to the football? Catch you later!
  • What do football players take for a headache? A day off.
  • Also, If a football player wants to block a punt, what should he use? A hockey mask.
  • Did you hear about the quarterback who’s in jail? He threw his receiver under the bus.
  • Why can’t a bike stand up on its own? You need a kickstand!
  • What do you get so if you cross a football player with an onion? A big wet blot.

Funny Football Puns

  • Why are football players good at geometry? Because they know their angles!
  • What did the coach say to his bacon and eggs? I want my players in this position.
  • Where does an 800 pound gorilla sit? Anywhere it wants.
  • What do you call a football player with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  • Why are quarterbacks always smiling? Because they have receiver in their laundry!
  • Who’s the best dancer in the Super Bowl half-time show? The ballroom blitz!
  • What do you get when you cross a strong quarterback with a fast receiver? An arm receiver!
  • What would you call a football team in the World Series? The Fall Classic.
  • Why don’t baseball players use bullpens during games? They can’t get bullpen.
  • What starts with “Fi” and ends with “ve”? Kneelift!
  • So, If basketball is played indoors and football outdoors, why is there a basketball goal in every football field? To keep the cheerleaders out of the rain.
  • What do quarterbacks take before they go to bed at night? A quarterback!
  • What’s the most difficult part about playing center for the Browns? Picking up all of their blitzes.
  • Why did the football coach name his daughter starting quarterback? Because she was the only one who could throw a spiral!
  • How do you tell what college a football player went to? By his helmet. If it has a sticker, he went to a big school, if it doesn’t have a sticker, he did not go far.
  • What goes up and down but does not move? The goal posts.
  • What’s the difference between a basketball player and a trampoline? You take off your sneakers before you jump on a trampoline!

Football Puns & Jokes Cringe

  • Why did Cinderella miss her game? Her dress was at the cleaners.
  • What kind of vegetables do football players eat? Steamed celery.
  • If one football team is losing to another by 32 points, what is the half time score? Twelve.
  • Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
  • How do you make a football player stand on his head at night? Tell him he’s playing against an air raid defense in the morning.
  • What kind of flowers do football players send their girlfriends?
  • What’s worse than losing your luggage at the airport? Losing two quarterbacks at once.
  • What do you call an athlete with a learning disability? A footballer.
  • What did the football say to the watermelon? Keep your hands off my receiver!
  • Why can’t a football player drive a motorcycle? Because he’s always looking up someone else’s shorts.
  • What do you call a high school athlete with long legs and a short torso? A basketball star.
  • How do you make a quarterback run faster? You put his pass in motion.
  • What is the best time to go to a football game? Half-time. That way you can beat both traffic jams!
  • Why don’t elephants play football? They’re always liable to break a tusk.
  • What’s shorter than a kid but weighs more than he does? His shadow.
  • What’s the difference between a quarterback with no arms and a baseball pitcher? The pitcher doesn’t get penalize for having no balls!
  • Why are football players so dumb? They only have one play in their playbook!
  • What do you call a truck full of Quarterbacks? A trailer park.

For More: 105 Funny Puns for Captions & Status


In conclusion, it’s safe to say that football puns are a great way to add humor to the game and lighten up the mood for fans and players alike. The world of football is vast and intense, and we all need a good laugh to ease the tension from time to time. Funny football puns offer a unique opportunity to blend the passion for the game with the joy of wordplay, resulting in a witty and entertaining experience.

We hope that this blog post has brought a smile to your face and brightened up your day. We would like to take this opportunity to express our gratitude to our readers for taking the time to explore this topic with us. Your support and engagement are what keep us motivated to continue creating content that you enjoy.

Finally, we would like to invite our readers to leave their feedback in the comments section below. We value your opinion and would love to hear from you about your thoughts on football puns or any other topics you would like us to cover in future blog posts. Don’t forget to visit our website for more job description ideas and other exciting content. Thank you once again, and keep smiling!

Football Puns for instagram Captions

About the author

Hilly Martin

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