105+ History Puns to Make You Chuckle

History Puns
Written by Hilly Martin

Are you a history buff with a love for puns? If so, you’ve come to the right place! This article will take you on a lighthearted journey through the past with over 100 puns that will make you laugh out loud. From witty one-liners to jokes that will appeal to kids, we’ve got you covered. We’ll even take a look at how history puns have been used in movies. So, grab your thinking caps and prepare to be amused.

What Are History Puns?

History puns are jokes that play on words based on historical events, figures, or periods. They often require some basic knowledge of history to be appreciated fully. History puns can take many forms, from one-liners to punny stories and anecdotes. They can be used to teach history in a fun and engaging way or just to bring a smile to someone’s face. Without further ado, here are some of the best history puns we could find.

Best Short History Puns

  • Why did Cleopatra break up with Julius Caesar? Because he was all Roman-tic.
  • How do we know that the horse was from medieval times? Because it was a little knight mare.
  • Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur’s table? Sir Cumference.
  • What was Joan of Arc’s favourite food? Roast martyr potatoes.
  • Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”? Because it was always running out of the pen.
  • What did Julius Caesar say when he was asked if he wanted to become a rock star? “Et tu, amplifier?”
  • How did the Pilgrims end up in America? They turned left at Greenland.
  • Why did the Egyptian pharaoh go broke? He was always in de-nile.
  • Why did Shakespeare only write in ink? Pencils confused him- 2B or not 2B?
  • Where did Napoleon keep his armies? Up his sleevies.
  • Why were the Dark Ages so dark? Because of all the knights.
  • Why did King Arthur go to the dentist? To get his teeth crowned.
  • What did Sir Lancelot say when he saw a salad? “Now, that’s a lettuce to the imagination!”
  • What did Paul Revere say when he was asked why he couldn’t sleep? “The British are coming!”
  • Why did the sea monster eat five ships carrying potatoes and one carrying bacon? It wanted a balanced diet.
  • What did the ancient Israelite say when he wanted some water? “Can somebody part the sea?”
  • How do you study Ancient Rome? With a Colosseum.
  • What did the Zero say to the Eight? “Nice belt!”
  • How do you recognize a dogwood tree? By its bark.
  • What was the first thing Cleopatra said to Mark Antony? “Hello, sailor!”
  • Why don’t archaeologists make good friends? Because they always dig up the past.
  • Why did the historian go to dry cleaners? He spilled some Roman ink.
  • What did George Washington say to his men before they got on the boat? “Men, get on the boat.”
Creative Oneliner History Puns

Creative Oneliner History Puns

  • I told my History teacher that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
  • A knight in medieval armor would find it hard to start a fire. You could say he was a little ignoble.
  • Julius Caesar may have been a dictator, but at least he didn’t have to fight the crowds on his way to work.
  • I was going to make a joke about the Byzantine Empire, but it’s too Constantinople.
  • Did you hear about the medieval peasant who was allergic to wheat? He had serf-hives.
  • When Genghis Khan was asked the secret to his success, he said “It’s my Mongolian barbecue skills.”
  • The ancient Mayans were great astronomers. You could say they really had their eyes on the prize.
  • Why did the Greek goddess ignore all the other gods? Because they Poseidon a throne.
  • The ancient Egyptians knew how to party. You could say they really had a Sphinx for dancing.
  • Why did the British army fall asleep at the battle of Hastings? Because they couldn’t keep their eyes off the Bayeux Tapestry.
  • Did you hear about the time traveler who went back in time to
  • see Abraham Lincoln give the Gettysburg address? He was blown away by the delivery
  • Why did the medieval lord build a moat around his castle? To make sure no one gave him any guffin.
  • Joan of Arc knew how to light up a room. She was a real firestarter.
  • If Julius Caesar was alive today, he’d probably be a great influencer. He had quite the following.

Funny Puns for History

  • What did the history teacher say to the student who fell asleep? “Wake up and smell the centuries!”
  • Why was the French revolutionists’ book always on top of the pile? Because it had a good spine!
  • I met a woman who claimed she knew all about history. But I soon realized it was just a façade.
  • What do you call a history teacher who can’t control his classroom? A chronological disaster.
  • I hired a historian to help me with my research. He said, “I can’t help but feel like we’re making all this up as we go along.”
  • Why was the archaeologist sad? They had a really rocky excavation.
  • Why did the British army always go to war with a full stomach? They knew it was important to have a full English breakfast.
  • I asked a historian if she knew what the future held. She said, “Well, it’s still in the past for me.”
  • What did the Roman say when he entered the bar? “I’ll have a Caesar salad and a napoleon brandy.”
  • Why did the history teacher get mad? Because they had to keep repeating the same old story.
  • Why was the Greek philosopher so good at arguing? He had a Socrates-ed mind.
  • Why did the king go to the doctor? He had royal pains.
  • When asked about his reading habits, Napoleon Bonaparte said, “I have no time to waistcoat books.”
  • What did the Greek god of wine say when he got drunk? “I’m Dionysus up with this!”
  • Why did the Chinese emperor always have a crowd around him? Because he was a real people’s emperor.
  • Why was the Italian city built on a swamp? Because it was Venice before we knew it.
  • What did the ancient Egyptians say when they got excited? “Nile yeah!”
  • Why was the Aztec priest so good at problem-solving? He knew how to Inca-lculate the right solution.
  • When the archaeologist found the missing puzzle piece, he really dug it.
  • What did the medieval blacksmith say to his apprentice? “Hammer it out, son.”
  • Why did the medieval king have a hard time sleeping? He always had too much on his plate.
Funny Puns for History

Good History Puns for Kids

  • Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons? He wanted to draw his own Roman Empire.
  • Why were the Vikings such good sailors? They had a lot of sea-faring experience.
  • Why was Cleopatra quick to make decisions? She didn’t have a lot of time to sphinx about it.
  • Why were the ancient Greeks so smart? They had great a-polyton of knowledge.
  • What did the ancient Egyptians use to write on? Papyrus.
  • Why did the Trojan horse go to the doctor? It had a wooden cough.
  • What do you call an ancient Greek sandwich? A gyro!
  • Why was the teacher scared of the Pythagorean theorem? It trigonometry.
  • Why did the dinosaur go to the museum? To see his-terical exhibits.
  • Why did the knight always say “Ni!”? It was his favorite Monty Python sketch.
  • Why was King Arthur’s sword so special? It was a real Excalibur-calibur.
  • Why couldn’t Caesar take his dog to the gladiator games? It was a Roamin’ dog.
  • How do you know if a pirate is a nerd? They keep saying, “Ahoy, mateys, let’s go avast-ly!”
  • Why did the Mayans love corn so much? It was a-maize-ing.
  • What did the Aztec say to the waiter? “Can I tacos to go, please?”
  • Why did the British soldiers wear red coats? Because they were afraid of being spotted in the fields.
  • What do you call an ancient Greek rock star? Apollo Creed.
  • Why did the Egyptian king go to the market? He needed to pharaohnthesis his grocery list.
  • What did the gladiator say when he saved the day? “I am Spartacus!”
  • Why did the emperor wear sandals? Because it was throne-like footwear.
  • What did the Greek god say when he broke up with his girlfriend? “Aphrodite, we have to break up…it’s just not worshipping out.”
  • Why did the medieval serf take an umbrella to the feast? In case of feudal rains.

History Puns Used in Movies

  • “National Treasure” – In this movie, Nicolas Cage’s character Ben Gates says, “I’m going to steal the Declaration of Independence”, to which his accomplice replies, “You mean, steal it and then return it?”
  • “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” – In this Mel Brooks classic, there is a scene where Robin Hood is asked if he prefers to traverse the English Channel by boat or bridge, to which he responds, “To cross the bridge is a Tiiight.”
  • “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” – In this classic comedy, Bill and Ted travel through time to learn about history. In one scene, they tell Napoleon to “stop being a Waterloo-sy”.
  • “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” – In one scene, King Arthur and his knights are asked how fast a swallow can fly. When they can’t answer, they are thrown into a pit, showing that ignorance can be perilous.
  • “Night at the Museum” – In this movie, Larry (Ben Stiller) tells the statue of Teddy Roosevelt, “Teddy, this is history”, to which the statue replies, “It’s a TR then.”

Key Takeaways

Puns have always been a popular way to inject some humor into history. They can make historical events, figures, and periods more accessible and enjoyable, especially for kids. Whether you’re a history buff or just looking for a good laugh, the history puns in this article should have given you plenty to chuckle about. From witty one-liners to funny jokes for kids, we covered a wide variety of puns that will make you smile. Remember that history doesn’t have to be dry and dull. It can be fun, exciting, and hilarious too!

About the author

Hilly Martin