117+ Hilarious Army Puns Collection That Will Make You Stand

army puns
Written by Hilly Martin

Are you a fan of wordplay? Do you enjoy a good laugh? Then look no further than this ultimate collection of army puns! Whether you’re in the military yourself, know someone who is, or just enjoy a clever joke, there’s something here for everyone. From one-liners to funny anecdotes, we’ve got you covered with 111 of the best army puns around.

What Are Army Puns?

Army puns are jokes or wordplay based on military terminology and themes. They can be used to poke fun at military life, make light of tense situations, or simply provide some entertainment to those in and around the armed forces. These puns often play off commonly used words or phrases in the military, such as “attention” or “ranks,” and put a humorous spin on them.

One-Liner Army Puns

Best Short Army Puns

  • Why don’t soldiers like playing cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
  • Why did the soldier sleep under his tank? He wanted to get a good night’s shrapnel.
  • What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.
  • Why do soldiers hate comedies? They’ve already been through boot camp.
  • Why don’t soldiers trust trees? They’re always plotting something.
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman and a military unit? Frostbite.
  • Why do soldiers always wear camouflage pants? Because they can never find any regular ones.
  • What do you call a soldier who survived a cannon blast? Deaf-defying.
  • Why did the soldier break up with his girlfriend? He saw her chevron someone else.
  • Why did the soldier bring weed killer to the battlefield? To take down enemy grass.
  • Why did the soldier sneak off to the movies? He heard there was free ranger popcorn.
  • Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the parade? He wanted to scale the ranks.
  • Why don’t soldiers trust dogs? They can’t keep their noses out of the privates.
  • Why did the sergeant yell at the map? It refused to follow orders.
  • What do you call a soldier who can solve a Rubik’s Cube in under a minute? A sharpshooter.
  • Why did the soldier bring a stopwatch to the battlefield? To kill time.
  • Why don’t soldiers play baseball in the desert? Too many sand traps.
  • What do you call a group of snipers playing cards? A full house.
  • Why don’t soldiers eat M&Ms? They keep losing the battle of the bulge.
  • Why did the soldier wear glasses? To keep his contacts in line.
  • Why do soldiers make good farmers? They know how to take out the enemy’s crops.
  • Why did the soldier bring an umbrella to the battlefield? To protect his rank and file.
  • Why don’t soldiers use elevators? They prefer to take the stairs to the pentagon.
  • Why did the soldier go to art school? He wanted to brush up on his camouflage skills.
  • Why don’t soldiers learn to play the guitar? They’re already experts in heavy metal.

One-Liner Army Puns

  • Why do soldiers march? To get from point A to point B…and because it’s classified.
  • Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the Colonel’s stripes.
  • Why don’t soldiers drink flat soda? They prefer the rank of fizz.
  • Why did the soldier get a medal for gossiping? He won the Purple Heart.
  • What do you call a bear wearing a uniform? A grrr-unt.
  • What do you call a group of soldiers covered in mud? Gruntled.
  • Why don’t soldiers talk about sensitive subjects in the field? It’s classified information.
  • What do you call a soldier who can’t find his uniform? Dis-camo-fitted.
  • What’s the best way to win a staring contest with a soldier? WINK!
  • Why did the soldier have a headache? He was under a lot of mortar fire.
  • What do you call a soldier who can’t find his way around base? Directionally challenged.
  • Why don’t soldiers play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
  • Why did the soldier bring his bed to the battlefield? For a good night’s shrapnel.
  • What do you call a group of soldiers who hang around together? Infan-tree.
  • Why was the soldier always tired? Because he had a lot of squadron away missions.
  • What do you call a soldier who’s late? A missed deadline.
  • Why don’t soldiers use clowns in battle? Because they make everything too comical.
  • What’s a soldier’s favorite kind of music? Military march-and-chez.
  • What do you call a soldier who’s good at math? A calcu-lieutenant.
  • Why did the soldier wear sunglasses? To go under covert sunlight operations.
  • What do you call a soldier who falls asleep during guard duty? A nap-tain.
  • Why don’t soldiers use pens on the battlefield? They prefer to write in combat-pen-sation.
  • What do you call a soldier who sprains his ankle on the obstacle course? A hobbled combat-ant.
  • Why don’t soldiers tell jokes in the middle of a firefight? It’s not the time or the PLAICE.
  • What do you call a soldier who never loses at trivia? A battle braniac.

Funny Puns for Army

  • How does the Army cut a pizza? With soldier crab.
  • Why did the soldier eat his homework? He wanted a piece of cake.
  • Why did the soldier plant chicken feathers? He wanted to grow a battle hen.
  • How do soldiers keep in touch with their loved ones? By tank-ing them on the phone.
  • What do you call a soldier who’s always singing? A melody-tary man.
  • Why don’t Navy SEALs swim in the deep end of the pool? They might SEAL-ebrate too soon.
  • What do you call a soldier who’s always tired? A fatigue-gued warrior.
  • How do soldiers eat their cereal? In battalion Froot Loops.
  • Why don’t Army chefs like Nutella? They prefer high-rank peanut butter.
  • What do you call a military fly? A bomberly.
  • What kind of socks do soldiers wear? Battle feet.
  • Why did the soldier join a choir? He wanted to sing his meat shield.
  • How do soldiers get to the top of the chain of command? By climbing the enlisted ranks.
  • Why don’t soldiers like peas? They prefer full ranks of corn.
  • What’s a soldier’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Combat-A-Choco-Chip.
  • Why did the soldier refuse to get a tattoo? He didn’t want to be a marine-ed for life.
  • What’s a soldier’s favorite part of the chicken? The garrison-breast.
  • Why don’t soldiers become dentists? Too many drill sergeants.
  • How do soldiers learn to drive tanks? By taking tank lessons.
  • What do you call a soldier who’s always a day late? The tardy army.
  • Why did the soldier join the band? He wanted to play his award-winning grenades.
  • What’s a soldier’s favorite fruit? Combat-ant.
  • Why don’t soldiers do crossword puzzles? They prefer to solve en-missions.
  • What do you call a soldier who’s afraid of heights? Ground-servant.
  • How do soldiers stay organized? By using hand gernades.

Army Puns for Kids

  • Why don’t tank drivers eat popcorn? It’s too tanky!
  • How do soldiers like their burgers? Well battalion’d.
  • What do you call a soldier’s math assignment? A battle plan.
  • How do soldiers shower? In a rank and file.
  • What’s a soldier’s favorite vegetable? Grenade beans.
  • Why did the soldier go to the movies? To see the battlefield movie.
  • What’s a soldier’s favorite thing to do on a rainy day? Play puddle duty.
  • Why don’t soldiers use crayons? They prefer camo-pencils.
  • Why did the soldier cross the road? To get to the other army.
  • What’s a soldier’s favorite season? Award season.
  • Why did the soldier go to the tailor’s? To get his medals hemmed.
  • How do soldiers eat spaghetti? In a mess hall.
  • What’s a soldier’s favorite board game? Stratego.
  • What do you call a soldier who loves animals? A draftsman.
  • How do soldiers get to their destination? By mud march.
  • What’s a soldier’s favorite apple? The lemur apple.
  • Why don’t soldiers use scissors? They prefer combat shears.
  • What’s a soldier’s favorite insect? The milit-ant.
  • Why did the soldier go to the beach? To get a tan-k.
  • What’s a soldier’s favorite rock band? Guerilla Warfare.
  • How do soldiers know if it’s cold outside? They check the base-thermometer.
  • What do you call a soldier who’s always on time? A punctual-trooper.
  • Why do soldiers wear camouflage? So the enemy doesn’t see them at ease.
  • What’s a soldier’s favorite candy? Battle M&Ms.
  • How do soldiers make sure their shoes are clean? By giving them a boot camp.
Best Short Army Puns

Army Puns Used in Movies

The Army puns are not only used in jokes and wordplay, but they’re also present in movies and TV shows. In the classic comedy movie “Stripes,” Bill Murray plays a slacker who joins the Army, only to find that it’s not as easy as he thought. The movie is filled with puns and jokes related to the Army and military life. For example, when Murray’s character is asked why he’s joining the Army, he responds with, “I wanted to do something the rest of my life…so I figured I’d join the Army.”

Another popular movie that features army puns is the action-comedy “Hot Shots!” starring Charlie Sheen. In one scene, Sheen’s character is flying a fighter jet and says, “I feel the need…the need for speed…but not until I’ve finished my muffin.” The line is a reference to the Tom Cruise movie “Top Gun,” but using the word “muffin” adds a playful twist to the reference.

One more example of army puns in movies can be found in the war satire “MAS*H.” The TV show and movie are set during the Korean War and use humor to highlight the absurdity of war. In one famous scene, a character says, “I’m not afraid of the enemy…I just don’t want to get hit by one of our own artillery shells.” The line is a clever play on words that delivers a serious message in a humorous way.

Key Takeaway:

Army puns are an excellent way to add humor and levity to military life. They can be used to defuse tense situations, add a bit of fun to a challenging environment, or simply provide some entertainment to those in and around the armed forces. Whether you’re a soldier, a veteran, or just a fan of wordplay, these puns are a great way to celebrate military culture and show your appreciation for those who serve. So next time you’re looking for a good puns laugh, try out one of these hilarious army puns!

About the author

Hilly Martin