113+ Newspaper Puns to Get You Headlining

Newspaper Puns
Written by Hilly Martin

Are you a fan of puns and newspapers? Look no further because we’ve compiled a list of newspaper puns that are sure to make you chuckle. Newspapers play a significant role in our lives by providing us with the latest current events, but they don’t always have to be so serious. Puns add a fun twist to the otherwise mundane headlines, and we’ve got a variety of puns suitable for readers of all ages.

What are Newspaper Puns?

Newspaper puns are a play on words that involve the headlines or content of newspapers. They can be witty and funny, or they can be a clever use of language that adds an element of interest to the news. Puns have been around for centuries, and they have become an integral part of several languages and cultures globally. With newspapers, puns can add a level of humour which can make the readers smile, and sometimes, even think about the news in a unique way.

Best Short Newspaper Puns

  • The editor had a photographic memory but never developed it
  • I’m a journalist because I like to talk to people, and they can’t hang up on me.
  • The headline was written in lipstick, which was a bold type of journalism
  • The news reports about the tornado left me in a whirlwind of emotion
  • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  • Rupert Murdoch has a new newspaper app, but it’s not very NewsCorp friendly.
  • I couldn’t find the sports section in my newspaper, so I asked the front desk, and they said, “try the backcourt”.
  • The newspaper’s financial pages listed bond prices and brothel deals—both have yields.
  • There was a headline about a beehive theft, which was a sting operation gone wrong.
  • The newspaper article about velcro was a rip-off.
  • The newspaper headline about a fire at the circus said, “Big Top Burns Down.”
  • A headline about a car made with wood and sheepskin said, “Wooly Car is Ruff”
  • The newspaper printed a story about a car that ran on water, but it was an H-troll-ic vehicle.
  • The thief stole 10,000 newspapers, but the police decided not to chase him because that would be a case of chasing a headline.
  • The ghost writer wasn’t there, but the book was written by someone who booed it well.
  • The ocean was salty because the beach never waved back.
  • The newspaper editor was fired for plagiarising a dictionary, but he said it was a thesaurus matter.
  • I still can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
  • The newspaper headline about a book contest said, “Judges still trying to get to the cover-up.”
  • I wrote a letter to my local newspaper, but they sent it back and told me to put a stamp on it.
  • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  • The newspaper headline about a car accident said, “Man Hurtles Through Windshield, Makes Groan Stop.
  • The newspaper headline about a man stealing a calendar says he got 12 months.
  • The newspaper headline about a magic bra says it can turn a B cup into a C without even adding drama.
  • The newspaper headline about a man who stole a sword was disarmingly honest.
Best Short Newspaper Puns

One-liner Newspaper Puns

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at the newspaper? Don’t worry, they woke up.
  • The newspaper tried to improve circulation, but it was no match for gravity.
  • Did you hear about the journalist who got a Pulitzer for their car? It was a Civic duty.
  • Why did the newspaper break up with the coffee? They were no longer in the same press.
  • Why did the newspaper go to the doctor? It had a lot of issues.
  • What do you get when you cross a newspaper with a boat? A paper raft!
  • Why did the newspaper go to the gym? To get the scoop on fitness.
  • Did you hear about the newspaper that only reported on ducks? It was a quack publication.
  • Why did the newspaper quit its job? It was tired of being paper-trained.
  • What do you call a fake newspaper? A counter-factual.
  • The newspaper reporter said, “I’m sorry; that was an off-the-cuff remark, which means it wasn’t very close to my mouth.”
  • The journalist was fired because he couldn’t tell the difference between “colon” and “semicolons.”
  • Today’s headlines: “A man robbed a bank with his breath, and he smelled like a mint before he got caught.”
  • When I read the newspaper about a boat that fell on the roof, I thought it sounded like a piece of debris story.
  • The newspaper headline said, “Man on Acid Thought He Was Tiger, Ended Up Being Panther.
  • I read a headline yesterday; it said, “Man Accidentally Unearths a Giant Potato” – I guess that was quite a root awakening.
  • The newspaper headline read, “Man Walks Across High Wire, Doesn’t Get Any Low Fives.”
  • I read an article about a bank that was robbed, but all the criminals got away was some pens – police suspect it was a case of pen and gear.
  • Have you heard about the upcoming movie “Concussion?” It’s about a journalist who keeps hitting his head on the keyboard and gets a brain injury from all the breaking news.
  • The newspaper headline about the hipster dentist said, “He only works on your teeth before they’re cool”.
  • The newspaper’s business section reported on the new economy trend: “Invest in rubber bands – it’s a stretch, but profit is guaranteed.”

Funny Puns for Newspapers

  • The local paper was really going downhill, but it wasn’t news to me – I saw the writing on the wall.
  • The newspaper article reported on the new scheme for horses to take the subway – the riders didn’t blink an eye.
  • The headline read, “Cigarette sales continue to go up in smoke.”
  • The editor-in-chief finally got the staff to work together, but there was no pun too strongly worded for that paper.
  • The newspaper story on the crisis of missing socks reported, “The Foot Network has activated a search party.”
  • The headline read, “Puns cause headlines to shake their heads in disbelief.”
  • The newspaper article on the new fabric softener said, “It’s so soft, you’ll feel like you’re wearing pajamas all the time – cotton crazy.”
  • When the newspaper ran out of puns, they went to the circus and hired a clown – he was the editor’s backup.
  • The newspaper headline on the new cereal brand said, “It’s flake no mistake.”
  • The newspaper article on the new smoothie diet plan said, “The dieter’s Smooth-move: drink up!”
  • The newspaper reported on a new coffee-stained tie line, based on the design of famous painters and art stains – the drip had arrived.
  • The headline read, “The dentist’s business is filled with braces for impact.”
  • The newspaper article on the new motorcycle designs read, “Now featuring a ‘bike-path’ model – it’s wheelie cool.”
  • When the newspaper started producing tabloid-style headlines, it just became the headline vs. the story.
  • The newspaper headline reported on the local rapper’s new song – it was a sick rhyme that needed a lot of recovery time.
  • The newspaper article on the new electric bikes reported on the greatest invention since sliced bread – the toaster-peddler.
  • The headline read, “People who are allergic to wheat were advised to start living off their oats.”
  • The newspaper story on the new pencil designs read, “The sharpening stone has revolutionized the points system.”
  • The newspaper headline on the new lighting fixture said, “Lightbulbs: Eureka – a bright idea.”
  • The newspaper article on the new drone-delivery service said, “The sky’s the limit for this package deal.”
  • The headline read, “The city’s utility companies have found ways to power through any challenges.”
One-liner Newspaper Puns

Newspaper Puns for Kids

Catchy Newspaper Puns Used in Movies

Newspaper puns have also made their way into movies, creating memorable and funny moments. Here are five examples:

  • In the movie “Bruce Almighty,” Jim Carrey’s character, Bruce, powers up his computer and the headlines on the screen read, “Bruce Nolan – Finger of God?,” “Bruce Almighty – Party of One?”, and “Bruce Hungers for Human Flesh.” It’s a funny take on all the different headlines that could come out of his newfound powers.
  • In the movie “Spider-Man 3,” J. Jonah Jameson reads out loud headlines for Spider-Man’s battles, including “Webs We Weave: New Spidey Photos,” and “Spider-Man No More – Hero or Menace?” These puns play on Jameson’s love for sensational headlines and the public’s fascination with Spider-Man.
  • In the movie “Get Smart,” Agent 86 (played by Steve Carell) is reading the newspaper when he discovers a clue in the classified section. The headline reads, “Wanted: Tall, Dark, and Unwilling to Provide Personal Information.”
  • In the movie “The Dark Knight,” the Joker leaves his mark on Gotham by placing an ad in the newspaper that reads, “I Believe Whatever Doesn’t Kill You Simply Makes You…Stranger.” It’s a clever play on the famous quote, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
  • In the movie “Zootopia,” the newspaper headlines play an important role in the story and include puns such as, “Pop Star Gazelle Wows Audience,” “Assistant Mayor Bellwether Ewes Her Job,” and “City of Zootopia In Crisis! It’s Predator Vs. Prey!” These puns add to the humor and whimsy of the animal world in the movie.


Newspaper puns have the ability to entertain and bring a lightheartedness to the news. Whether it’s a witty headline or a funny article, clever wordplay can add to the readers’ enjoyment of the media. Newspaper puns have even made their way into movies, where they have been used to create memorable moments. So next time you read the news, keep an eye out for the puns and enjoy the playful side of journalism.

About the author

Hilly Martin