Laughter is the best medicine. And if you’re looking for some medicine-related humor, then you’ve come to the right place. In this article, we have compiled medicine puns that will tickle your funny bone. Whether you’re a medical professional or just someone who loves a good pun, these jokes will surely put a smile on your face. So, sit back, relax, and get ready to cure your boredom with our dose of humor.
What are Medicine Puns?
Medicine puns are one-liners or jokes that play with medical terms, procedures, and conditions. They can be witty, clever, or downright silly. Some medicine puns also incorporate pop culture references, making them more relatable to a wider audience.
Best short medicine puns
- I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
- I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
- I told my dentist I wanted a brighter smile. She said, “Then you need to stop drinking coffee.” I said, “So, are you going to whiten my teeth or take away my coffee?”
- I went to the doctor because I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
- Why did the scientist break up with his lab assistant? She kept taking things for granite.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- Why do doctors bring red pens to surgeries? In case they need to draw blood.
- I’m a doctor, but I can’t cure my own boredom. I have to take a daily dose of laughter.
- Every time someone tells me “you’re a pain in the neck,” I take it as a compliment.
- I’m allergic to latex gloves, so I have to use nitrile. It’s not ideal, but I think I can stretch myself to adapt.
- I told my friend she should get her kidneys checked. She said, “I won’t have to—my liver will remind me.”
- When I hear someone sneeze, I always say “good antibodies.”
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job? She couldn’t control her pupils.
- I’ve been diagnosed with a fear of hurdles. I’m pretty sure I’ll get over it.
- I’m really good at pathology. It’s my autopsy.
- I can’t talk to my skeleton because he’s always giving me the silent treatment.
- I’m scared of elevators, so I take steps to avoid them.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at the hospital? They woke up.
- I asked the pharmacist where the Band-Aids are. She said, “They’re over the counter.”
- I told my dentist I wanted to be a comedian. She said, “Then you better brush up on your skills.”
- I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said, “That’s ridiculous. Everybody hasn’t met you yet.”
- I went to a seafood disco last night. I pulled a mussel.
- My doctor told me I needed to stop drinking energy drinks. I asked him if there was a Red Bull alternative.
- My dentist told me I needed a crown. I was like, “I know, right? I deserve a royal treatment.”
One-liner medicine puns
- What do you get when you mix a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
- Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat? If they fell forwards, they would still be in the boat.
- Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
- Why was the volleyball so happy? It always had a good serve.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.
- Why was the belt sent to jail? For holding up a pair of pants.
- Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words.
- Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be a chicken sedan.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
- Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
- Why did the otter cross the road? To get to the otter side.
- Why did the tomato turn yellow? Because it saw the banana peel.
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice.
- Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
- Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
- Why don’t ghosts like rain? It dampens their spirits.
- Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend? She was a cheetah.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Funny medicine puns
- Why did the nurse need a red pen? To draw blood.
- Did you hear about the paranoid guy who thought he had a virus? He tried to delete all his files.
- Why did the doctor carry a red pen? In case he needed to draw blood.
- My friend told me she was taking an elevator to get over her fear of heights. I said, “That sounds like taking a car to get over your fear of driving.”
- Why was the microscope so scared? Because it saw the blood shoot up.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
- Why did the nurse always carry a red pen? In case she needed to draw blood.
- What did the sick basketball player say? “I’ve got swish cheese lungs.”
- Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had no body to go with him.
- What did the grape say when the doctor walked on it? “Nothing, it just gave a little wine.”
- Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
- Why did the scientist break up with his lab assistant? She kept taking things for granite.
- Why did the skeleton sit in the lotus position? He wanted some bone-afide tranquility.
- Why did the apple go to the doctor? It was feeling a little un-peeled.
- Why do surgeons use a red pen? They want to show off their surgical skills.
- Why was the doctor always calm? He had a lot of patients.
- Why did the hospital hire a gardener? To check on the patients’ beds.
- Why did the germ go to the beach? To catch some rays.
- Why did the nurse wear a red shirt? To draw blood.
- Why was the orthopedist always late? He had a lot of joint appointments.
- Why was the doctor so cold? Because he had a lot of patients.
- Why did the skeleton go to the disco? To see the bone-jovi tribute band.
- Why did the athlete use a red pen? To show off his muscle memory.
Medicine puns for kids
- What do you call a medication that helps you learn math? Adderall.
- Why did the doctor give the balloon medication? So it wouldn’t burst.
- Why did the virus go to the doctor? It was feeling contagious.
- Why did the doctor visit the Hippopotamus? To tell him he weighed too much.
- What kind of medicine do you take when you stub your toe? Ow-chitin.
- What did the egg say when it got hit in the head? “Egg-cuse me, that hurt!”
- What did the toe say to the foot? “I’m bruised to meet you.”
- What do you call it when a doctor takes care of a sick bird? Tweetment.
- Why was the medicine always cold? Because it was always kept in the fridge.
- What do you call a doctor that’s always on time? Punctual.
- What kind of doctor is always calm? A pediatrician.
- Why did the doctor use a red pen? It was his favorite color.
- Why did the virus not like to wear a mask? Because it made it hard to breathe.
- What do you call a stethoscope that can’t hear anything? Deaf-ibulator.
- Why did the thermometer go to school? To get a degree in heatology.
- What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URL-ologist.
- What do you call a nervous medicine? Propanxiety.
- Why did the bandage go to the beach? To get a little healing.
- Why did the doctor wear glasses? To help him see better through his stethoscope.
- What kind of medicine do you take when you’re feeling indecisive? Ambivalent.
- Why did the doctor check the chicken’s temperature? To see if it had the flock.
- What do you give to a sick bird? Tweetment.
- Why did the skeleton go to the pharmacy? To get some bone-o-treat.
- What do you call a medicine that makes you feel like a superhero? Capa-pill.
Creative medicine puns used in movie
Certainly! Here are 10 medicine puns from movies:
- “I felt better with the needle in my arm.” – Tony Stark in Avengers: Age of Ultron
- “I’m a doctor, not a mechanic.” – Leonard McCoy in Star Trek: The Motion Picture
- “If you take one more step, I’ll staple your tongue to your chin.” – Dr. Evil in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
- “Some patients are like clouds, once they’re gone the day gets brighter.” – Patch Adams in Patch Adams
- “I don’t want to go to a hospital. They’ll kill you with those needles.” – Adam Sandler in Big Daddy
- “Are you telling me that the fate of thirty million inhabitants is based on the word of a hustling gynecologist?” – Dr. Rumack in Airplane!
- “I see dead people. Walking around like regular people. They don’t see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don’t know they’re dead.” – Cole Sear in The Sixth Sense
- “You need your pills, baby – you’re getting the shakes.” – Erin Brockovich in Erin Brockovich
- “Sometimes it is the people no one imagines anything of who do the things that no one can imagine.” – Alan Turing in The Imitation Game
- “I’m gonna need a hacksaw, a needle and thread, and an empty bottle of bourbon. It’s gonna get messy.” – Dr. Cox in Scrubs
Conclusion
Puns can add humor to our life, and medicine puns are no exception. Whether you need a good laugh or a chuckle to brighten up your day, these medicine puns are sure to do the trick. From jokes about doctors and nurses to witty one-liners about pharmaceuticals and illnesses, there’s something here for everyone. Hopefully, these puns have brought a smile to your face and lightened up your day.
