103+ Military Puns Laughing Through Combat

Military Puns
Written by Hilly Martin

Military puns are a unique brand of humor that’s born out of the world’s largest organized and disciplined groups of soldiers. From boot-camp to deployment, military personnel are known for their witty retorts and clever wordplay, often used as a coping mechanism for the stress and danger of their job. Military puns are like a secret code among members of the service, and they allow them to bond over a shared experience while entertaining each other with their humor.

In this article, we’ll explore some of the funniest military puns out there. From short one-liners to witty jokes, you’ll find a range of puns that will make you crack up. We’ll also cover military puns that are appropriate for kids, as well as puns that are popular in movies and TV shows. So, let’s start marching through this collection of military puns!

What are Military Puns?

Military puns are a type of wordplay or a play on words that are used by military personnel to make each other laugh. These puns often incorporate military jargon, acronyms, equipment, and tactics to create witty wordplay. Military puns can be found in every branch of the service, and they are used to diffuse tension, make light of a situation, or just to have a good laugh.

Some examples of military puns include:

  • “I’m a Marine. When I’m cold, I just huddle up next to the boot camp fire.”
  • “The Army and Navy may have their rivalry, but we all know the Coast Guard is the real SEAL team.”
  • “What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.”
  • “Why do they call it a PT belt if it doesn’t make you physically fit? Shouldn’t it be a PT fashion statement?”

Best Short Military Puns

  • Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
  • What does an Air Force General use for birth control? His personality.
  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at West Point? He woke up.
  • Why does the Army have a band? So they can march out of step.
  • What do you call a private that follows orders without question? A sensible soldier.
  • Why did the soldier put a bell on his armor? He wanted to jingle all the way.
  • How do you know if a soldier is getting bored? He starts standing at ease.
  • Why did the Sailor become an archaeologist? Because he was always digging for depth.
  • Did you hear about the Navy Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea? He wanted to swab the deck one last time.
  • How does a soldier say goodbye on Halloween? “Happy Boo-day to all and to all a good fright!”
  • What does the Air Force use to launch their ships? Cat eggs.
  • Why did the sailor start drinking Dr. Pepper? He wanted to get a PhD.
  • Why was the military bird depressed? He was grounded.
  • How many marines does it take to change a light bulb? None, they prefer to operate in the dark.
  • Why does the Navy promote their officers? So they can stay afloat.
  • Why can’t nuclear scientists on submarines tell jokes? They always get lost in humorless terrain.
  • How do you make a paratrooper angry? Call him a leg.
  • What did the tank say to the other tank that was blocking its way? “Get out of the whey!”
  • Why couldn’t the soldier sharpen his toothbrush? It was classified information.
  • What did the Air Force sergeant yell at the parachute? Drop and give me zen.
  • Why do mechanics in the Army always wear coveralls? So they can blend in as the working class.
  • What does a soldier use to organize his mess hall? An orderly.
Best Short Military Puns

One-Liner Military Puns

Funny Military Puns

  • Why did the military chef get arrested? He threw a soup grenade.
  • Why did the soldier get a ticket? He parked in the tank zone.
  • Why did the sailor take paper and a pen to bed with him? He wanted to draw his own map of the world.
  • Why did the general make his bed with rice caulking? So he could sleep tight and not hear the bedbug biting.
  • Why did the military sergeant use a ladder to eat his soup? Because he wanted to be promoted to Captain.
  • Why did the Marine biologist join the Navy? He heard they had a lot of barracuda.
  • Why does the Army always plan their attacks on December 26th? Because it’s Boxing Day.
  • What do you call a meal with no food and drinks? Army chow.
  • Why did the pilot go to the doctor? He had jet lag and prop-hounded.
  • Why did the IT person join the Army? They wanted their boots on the ground.
  • Why do soldiers hate calling tech support? It’s always a tactical nightmare.
  • Why did the pilot lose his pilot’s license? Because he kept flying off the handle.
  • Why did the general put wheels on his chair? So he could mobilize.
  • What do you call a soldier who doesn’t shower enough? Private smelling.
  • Why do soldiers eat standing up? They’re always on the front line.
  • Why do soldiers love taking naps? It’s their way of surrendering to fatigue.
  • What do you call a sleepwalking soldier? An infantryman asleep-at-arms.
  • Why did the soldier wear two shirts? Because he wanted to be a sergeant.
  • Why did the soldier miss his nap time? Because it was a miss-Nap-ya.
  • Why do soldiers love drinking water? It’s their way of rehydrating for duty.
  • Why did the drill sergeant take his troops to the beach? So they could engage in some high tide training.
  • Why did the Navy doctor get lost in the hospital? Because he was seasick.
  • Why do soldiers work out in the morning? Because there’s no excuse for sleeping in.
  • Why do soldiers make good detectives? They have experience in conducting reconnaissance.
  • Why did the soldier get a tattoo of a map on his back? So he could always have a backup plan.
One-Liner Military Puns

Military puns for kids

Catchy military puns used in movie

  • “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.” – Apocalypse Now (1979)
  • “The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid.” – Full Metal Jacket (1987)
  • “I’m gonna need a hacksaw.” – Lone Survivor (2013)
  • “I was born to kill. Kill for my country.” – Platoon (1986)
  • “What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.” – Cool Hand Luke (1967)
  • “I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.” – Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
  • “I’m the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.” – The Departed (2006)
  • “Saddle up, Lock and Load.” – Black Hawk Down (2001)
  • “We’re in the pipe, five by five.” – Aliens (1986)
  • “Get off my lawn.” – Gran Torino (2008)
  • “You can’t handle the truth!” – A Few Good Men (1992)
  • “In war, truth is the first casualty.” – The Thin Red Line (1998)
  • “I’m an officer and a gentleman.” – An Officer and a Gentleman (1982)
  • “We will make them see their injustice, and it will hurt.” – Gladiator (2000)
  • “How many times do I have to tell you? Skip the witty banter.” – The Avengers (2012)


Military puns have become a popular way to bring humor to the sometimes serious and challenging environment of the military. They’re also a fun way to introduce military concepts to kids or to use in movies and pop culture references. From silly jokes to clever wordplay, there are plenty of military puns to choose from. They showcase the creativity and wit of writers, comedians, and military members themselves. Whether you’re in the military or not, these puns are sure to bring a smile to your face and make you appreciate the humor that can be found in even the most difficult situations.

About the author

Hilly Martin