Military puns are a unique brand of humor that’s born out of the world’s largest organized and disciplined groups of soldiers. From boot-camp to deployment, military personnel are known for their witty retorts and clever wordplay, often used as a coping mechanism for the stress and danger of their job. Military puns are like a secret code among members of the service, and they allow them to bond over a shared experience while entertaining each other with their humor.
In this article, we’ll explore some of the funniest military puns out there. From short one-liners to witty jokes, you’ll find a range of puns that will make you crack up. We’ll also cover military puns that are appropriate for kids, as well as puns that are popular in movies and TV shows. So, let’s start marching through this collection of military puns!
What are Military Puns?
Military puns are a type of wordplay or a play on words that are used by military personnel to make each other laugh. These puns often incorporate military jargon, acronyms, equipment, and tactics to create witty wordplay. Military puns can be found in every branch of the service, and they are used to diffuse tension, make light of a situation, or just to have a good laugh.
Some examples of military puns include:
- “I’m a Marine. When I’m cold, I just huddle up next to the boot camp fire.”
- “The Army and Navy may have their rivalry, but we all know the Coast Guard is the real SEAL team.”
- “What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.”
- “Why do they call it a PT belt if it doesn’t make you physically fit? Shouldn’t it be a PT fashion statement?”
Best Short Military Puns
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
- What does an Air Force General use for birth control? His personality.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at West Point? He woke up.
- Why does the Army have a band? So they can march out of step.
- What do you call a private that follows orders without question? A sensible soldier.
- Why did the soldier put a bell on his armor? He wanted to jingle all the way.
- How do you know if a soldier is getting bored? He starts standing at ease.
- Why did the Sailor become an archaeologist? Because he was always digging for depth.
- Did you hear about the Navy Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea? He wanted to swab the deck one last time.
- How does a soldier say goodbye on Halloween? “Happy Boo-day to all and to all a good fright!”
- What does the Air Force use to launch their ships? Cat eggs.
- Why did the sailor start drinking Dr. Pepper? He wanted to get a PhD.
- Why was the military bird depressed? He was grounded.
- How many marines does it take to change a light bulb? None, they prefer to operate in the dark.
- Why does the Navy promote their officers? So they can stay afloat.
- Why can’t nuclear scientists on submarines tell jokes? They always get lost in humorless terrain.
- How do you make a paratrooper angry? Call him a leg.
- What did the tank say to the other tank that was blocking its way? “Get out of the whey!”
- Why couldn’t the soldier sharpen his toothbrush? It was classified information.
- What did the Air Force sergeant yell at the parachute? Drop and give me zen.
- Why do mechanics in the Army always wear coveralls? So they can blend in as the working class.
- What does a soldier use to organize his mess hall? An orderly.
One-Liner Military Puns
- Why don’t soldiers like to play hide and seek? Because they always get found in the end.
- What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a train station and a soldier? The soldier has a uniform to blame.
- Why did the soldier feel cold at night? Because he left his sleeping bags at the front.
- Why did the tank break down? It had too many battles.
- Why don’t they tell jokes in submarines? Because the walls have ears.
- Why did the recruit run away from military camp? He heard the Sergeant say to the Private, “Wake me up half an hour before the soldier.”
- Why did the soldier’s wife run off with the drummer? He had a good beat, and she could dance to it.
- Why do soldiers hate to march? Because it’s the same old drill.
- Why did the soldier drop out of basic training? He couldn’t handle the Army crawl.
- Why don’t soldiers run without rifles? They would be unarmed.
- Why did the soldier go to the grocery store? To get a Thai pod.
- Why did the soldier cross the road? To get to the Army base on the other side.
- Why did the sailor make his bed in the shape of a triangle? So he could have a square meal at dinner.
- Why do soldiers wear camouflage clothing? To blend in while standing out.
- Why did the military couple break up? They took separate campaigns.
- Why did the scout ranger fail his exam? Because he couldn’t stay covert.
- Why don’t Navy sailors use shaving cream? They use foam-at-the-mouth instead.
- Why couldn’t the soldier get his tank to start? Because it had a bad crank case.
- Why did the drill sergeant go to art school? To learn how to yell in different colors.
- Why did the Air Force base cancel their open house? Too many bug fighters.
- Why did the grunt soldier take a pillow to the range? He wanted to shoot some z’s.
- Why do soldiers always have to hurry when they’re at the military airport? Because they have to catch a fighter jet.
- Why do soldiers never trust a tree? Because they know they could be camouflaged.
- Why do soldiers always take an extra pair of socks? In case they need to make a quick retreat.
- Why did the soldier refuse to drive his jeep? Because it was only a two-passenger vehicle, and he was a colonel.
Funny Military Puns
- Why did the military chef get arrested? He threw a soup grenade.
- Why did the soldier get a ticket? He parked in the tank zone.
- Why did the sailor take paper and a pen to bed with him? He wanted to draw his own map of the world.
- Why did the general make his bed with rice caulking? So he could sleep tight and not hear the bedbug biting.
- Why did the military sergeant use a ladder to eat his soup? Because he wanted to be promoted to Captain.
- Why did the Marine biologist join the Navy? He heard they had a lot of barracuda.
- Why does the Army always plan their attacks on December 26th? Because it’s Boxing Day.
- What do you call a meal with no food and drinks? Army chow.
- Why did the pilot go to the doctor? He had jet lag and prop-hounded.
- Why did the IT person join the Army? They wanted their boots on the ground.
- Why do soldiers hate calling tech support? It’s always a tactical nightmare.
- Why did the pilot lose his pilot’s license? Because he kept flying off the handle.
- Why did the general put wheels on his chair? So he could mobilize.
- What do you call a soldier who doesn’t shower enough? Private smelling.
- Why do soldiers eat standing up? They’re always on the front line.
- Why do soldiers love taking naps? It’s their way of surrendering to fatigue.
- What do you call a sleepwalking soldier? An infantryman asleep-at-arms.
- Why did the soldier wear two shirts? Because he wanted to be a sergeant.
- Why did the soldier miss his nap time? Because it was a miss-Nap-ya.
- Why do soldiers love drinking water? It’s their way of rehydrating for duty.
- Why did the drill sergeant take his troops to the beach? So they could engage in some high tide training.
- Why did the Navy doctor get lost in the hospital? Because he was seasick.
- Why do soldiers work out in the morning? Because there’s no excuse for sleeping in.
- Why do soldiers make good detectives? They have experience in conducting reconnaissance.
- Why did the soldier get a tattoo of a map on his back? So he could always have a backup plan.
Military puns for kids
- Why did the soldier make himself a cup of water? He was a thirsty fighter!
- What is a soldier’s favorite piece of fruit? A grenade-apple!
- Why did the soldier cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
- What is a soldier’s favorite type of sandwich? A battle wrap!
- What is a soldier’s favorite game? Capture the flag!
- Why did the soldier wear sunglasses? To hide from his enemies in plain sight!
- What is a soldier’s favorite musical instrument? A military drum!
- How do soldiers make their beds in the morning? They give them a quick combat makeover!
- Why did the soldier wear a watch? To keep his time on target!
- What do you call a soldier who does push-ups all day? A strong-army soldier!
- Why did the soldier’s computer go to boot camp? So it could become a commando!
- What do you get when you cross a soldier with a cat? A command-purr!
- Why did the soldier run with scissors? He was on a covert operation!
- What is a soldier’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Battleberry!
- Why did the soldier take a ruler to bed? He wanted to measure up to his duties!
- Why did the soldier wear a cape? Because he was a super commando!
- What did the soldier say when he saw his new boots? “They really lace up to the occasion!”
- Why did the soldier go to art school? To learn how to camouflage himself in different colors!
- What do you call a soldier who loves candy? A sweet-combat soldier!
- What did the soldier say when he won the race? “I gunned it for the gold!”
- Why did the soldier get lost in the forest? He didn’t have a good compass-ition!
- What is a soldier’s favorite sport? Land-mine mayhem!
- Why did the soldier go to the dentist? To fix his teeth so he could bite the enemy!
- What is a soldier’s favorite kind of weather? Troopical storms!
- Why did the soldier take a break from fixing his tank? He needed a repair-tea!
Catchy military puns used in movie
- “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.” – Apocalypse Now (1979)
- “The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid.” – Full Metal Jacket (1987)
- “I’m gonna need a hacksaw.” – Lone Survivor (2013)
- “I was born to kill. Kill for my country.” – Platoon (1986)
- “What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.” – Cool Hand Luke (1967)
- “I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.” – Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
- “I’m the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.” – The Departed (2006)
- “Saddle up, Lock and Load.” – Black Hawk Down (2001)
- “We’re in the pipe, five by five.” – Aliens (1986)
- “Get off my lawn.” – Gran Torino (2008)
- “You can’t handle the truth!” – A Few Good Men (1992)
- “In war, truth is the first casualty.” – The Thin Red Line (1998)
- “I’m an officer and a gentleman.” – An Officer and a Gentleman (1982)
- “We will make them see their injustice, and it will hurt.” – Gladiator (2000)
- “How many times do I have to tell you? Skip the witty banter.” – The Avengers (2012)
Conclusion
Military puns have become a popular way to bring humor to the sometimes serious and challenging environment of the military. They’re also a fun way to introduce military concepts to kids or to use in movies and pop culture references. From silly jokes to clever wordplay, there are plenty of military puns to choose from. They showcase the creativity and wit of writers, comedians, and military members themselves. Whether you’re in the military or not, these puns are sure to bring a smile to your face and make you appreciate the humor that can be found in even the most difficult situations.
