Do you ever just need a good Puns giggle? Something that will so make you smile and forget your troubles for a few minutes? Well, prepare to have your sides split with these Best puns that are sure to get you giggling! Whether you’re in the mood for a chuckle or just looking for a way to lighten up your day.
These funny puns are sure to do the trick! I forget how it goes, but it’s hilarious. Okay, I know that might not be the best joke to kick off this blog post with, but trust me, Best Puns, the puns that are included below are much funnier. So go ahead, check them out and enjoy some good old-fashioned fun! Bonus: Most of them can also be used as pick-up lines!
Did you hear that one about the two peanuts walking in a bar? I forget how it goes, but it’s hilarious. Okay, I know that might not be the best Puns joke to kick off this blog post with, but trust me, the puns that are included below are much funnier. If you’re in need of a good laugh, then keep reading!
For More: 5 Example of Puns with Examples [Guide]
Best Puns ideas
- To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
- Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
- I stepped out on a date with a very sophisticated gentleman, but a voice in my head kept saying, “Ditch him and we’ll go eat worms!”
- What do blind people do for fun? Read each other’s horoscopes.
- A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- If you can’t drink an alligator, don’t try to milk one.
- Why is the letter “G” so good at executing commands? Because it always obeys orders first!
- Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Therefore do you know how to drive this?”
- So, If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
- A person who did not know the difference between good and bad was asked, “Who’s President.” The person answered, “I don’t know. I prefer to remain an enigma.”
- What do you get when you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? A woolie jumper.
- Why did the Teletubby have four children? Because he was a Quadruplet.
- What kind of tree has a hand? A palm tree.
- What kind of vegetable is always in a rush? A carrot.
- Why did Bobby get so excited at school on picture day? Because he saw his friend’s photo and wanted a photo of himself!
Short Best Puns
- What do you call a bear that is running away from you? A jogger!
- So, If your right leg hurts, what should you do? Lie on it and hope it gets better.
- How do you get down from an elephant? You don’t! You get down from a goose.
- What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, Whack! Dang! Oh, darn! A bad skydiver goes, Dang! Whack! Oh, darn!
- How do you get a tractor to come out of the forest? Shout, “I’ve got a stick!”
- When does it rain frogs? When you’re walking under an umbrella.
- What did the camp fire say to the marshmallow? Don’t smore me.
- During Halloween who is the most popular kid in the neighborhood? The one giving out Hershey Kisses.
- Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second-hand shop.
- What is a vampire’s favorite drink when they go to nightclubs? “Bloody Mary.”
- When I was driving in Miami and my car broke down, I asked a cop for help. He told me to stay in the car and he would drive me to Miami.
- What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
- Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams!
- A pirate was walking down the street when he saw a boy with a wooden leg. “Hey, how much do you want for your wooden leg?” asked the pirate. The boy replied, “I don’t know, I didn’t buy it!”
- What did one math book say to the other? Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
- What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
- Why wasn’t there any food left after Hurricane Katrina? Because of all the people fleeing!
- How can you tell if a mole is an adult? By its teeth.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
Best Puns One liners
- Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? Because of all the chemicals reacting!
- I am going on a picnic and I’m taking an onion with me so if anyone tries to smore me I’ll smell bad
- Why did the cheese shop owner go bankrupt? Because he kept selling his customers mold!
- What is brown and sticky? A stick.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite breakfast food? Count Chocula..
- I asked a man for directions to his house and he said, “Don’t you know how to get there?” I told him that if he didn’t tell me it would be a dumb question.
- Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
- What did the doctor say to the drunk patient with a straw up his nose? “Hi, I’m your doctor–and you’re in my stool.”
- Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
- What do you call someone who doesn’t practice good oral hygiene? A dentist!
- Germs are tiny organisms that make you sick.
- How do bees get to school? On the buzz buss.
- What happened when Santa got stuck in his chimney? He called out for help, but no one came because it was a ho-ho-ho-house.
- Why is it so hard to remember how old you are? Because you don’t know how many years you’ve been alive.
- What do you call a map of the world without any countries? A pirate map.
- So, If I’m not part of the solution, I’m part of the precipitate!
- What did one eye say to the other? Between us, something smells.
- Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
- Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Best Puns Captions
- What do you call a man who cries when he is happy ? A tearjerker.
- How do you get out of a shark pool? You just have to be faster than the shark.
- A math book walks into a bar and the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The math book doesn’t know so the bartender says, “I guess you’d like to start with 1.”
- I lost my mood ring and I don’t know how to feel about it!
- Two fish swim past a concrete wall. One fish says to the other, “How do we get this wall in our tank?”
- What would you get so if you crossed a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
- What do you call a bee who can’t make up its mind? A maybe!
- What did the buffalo say to his child when he left for work? Bison.
- Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrr!
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- I don’t know how she puts up with you, I really don’t!
- Two peanuts were walking down the road and one was a salted.
- How do you make an Octopus laugh? You tickle it’s tentacles.
- What is black and white and red all over? A sunburnt zebra.
- When does a joke become a story? When there’s no punchline!
- Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
- What do you get also if you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frost bite!
- What kind of music does Dracula like to dance to? Stakes and salsa.
- When it rains elephants, do they go jump in puddles? Oh, no – they have big, pink umbrellas!
Funny Best Puns
- What do you call a dinosaur that knows karate? A thesaurus.
- Why did the kid put his clock in the freezer? He wanted to see time fly!
- How do fish talk to each other? Morse code.
- What does a good bee say? Bumble!
- What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a slug? A bumpy ride.
- My toothbrush wants to eat your toothpaste.
- Why did the clock fall off the wall? Because it was ticked off.
- So, If two’s company and three’s a crowd, what are four and five? Nine.
- I didn’t need a parachute to skydive. I needed a parachute to skydive twice!
- What did the judge say when the skunk walked in? Odor in court.
- What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop.
- What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
- What did the water say to the boat? Nothing, it just waved.
- What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o’-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin pi!
- Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
- Why are ghosts bad liars ? You can see right through them.
- What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence.
- Why did the bird blush? Because it saw the eggy that said she was laid!
Best Puns & Jokes Cringe
- Two peanuts walk into a bar and one of them was a-salted !
- Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station.
- What did the nose say to the finger? Stop picking on me!
- What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A pair of pears.
- What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!
- What do you call two banana skins? Slippers.
- What type of cars do ghosts drive? Transylvans.
- When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar!
- Why does the Easter Bunny lay eggs? He doesn’t want to be stereotyped.
- What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
- What do you get also if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? A hot cross bunny.
- What happened to the dog with fleas? He was in attics and all sorts of places!
- I just saw a tortoise laying on the lawn outside . I didn’t know they knew how to play poker!
- Why did the wrestler bring a ladder to the ring ? To rustle some pebbles.
- What do you get also if you cross a cow with a trampoline? A milky bounce!
- Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was salted. How does a joke become laughable? When it’s told properly!
For More: 105 Funny Puns for Captions & Status
In conclusion, we hope this post on the best puns has left you with a smile on your face and some witty puns to share with your friends and family. Puns are a great way to add a little humor to your day and can lighten the mood in any situation. We’re grateful to our readers for taking the time to read this post and we hope that it has brightened your day.
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