103+ Legal Puns To Make You Laugh Your Case Off

Legal Puns
Written by Hilly Martin

Puns have been around since time immemorial, and even the legal field has not been spared. Legal puns are a type of wordplay that involves the use of legal terms, cases, and concepts to create humorous and witty statements. In this article, we’ve compiled the funniest legal puns to add cheer to your day and bring a smile to your face.

A legal pun can be anything from a short one-liner to a long joke. It can be something as simple as a pun on a legal term or a witty statement about a particular case. Lawyers and judges alike often use puns to lighten the mood in the courtroom and make trials less stressful. In this article, we’ve got it all, from short legal puns to funny legal jokes for kids. So sit back, relax, and enjoy our compilation of hilarious legal puns.

What Are Legal Puns?

Legal puns are a type of wordplay that involves the use of legal terms, cases, and concepts to create humor. They are often used by lawyers and judges to lighten the mood in the courtroom and make trials less tense. Legal puns can also be used in everyday conversation or in comedy shows to poke fun at the legal profession. Here are some of the best legal puns that are sure to tickle your funny bone:

Best Short Legal Puns

  • I’m a legal eagle.
  • I’m a jurisdiction addict.
  • Legal battles are won with legal briefs.
  • He was caught loitering in a parking lot – that’s a misdemeaner.
  • A good lawyer never commits a faux pas.
  • A barrister without books is like a bird without wings.
  • A courtroom is a place where a suit can be ruined and a pun can be intended.
  • A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.
  • Legal fees are prohibitively expensive.
  • An injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
  • A good lawyer knows when to walk away; a great lawyer knows when to throw the book at the judge.
  • Do you know what they call alternative dispute resolution in Europe? Compromise.
  • A lawyer’s favorite dessert? Torte-Reform.
  • A judge was annoyed with a witness who kept coming to court drunk. He decided to give him a taste of his own medicine.
  • What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
  • I’m a law-abiding citizen.
  • I object! That’s sustained.
  • A lawyer’s favorite plant is subpoena grass.
  • A jury consists of 12 people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
  • A lawyer’s briefs should always be briefer than a woman’s.
  • What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A good start.
  • A lawsuit is a grenade with the pin pulled out.
  • A good lawyer knows the way to the courthouse; a great lawyer knows the judge’s home address.
Funny Puns For Legal Kids

One-Liner Legal Puns

  • A criminal’s best asset is his liability.
  • A bad lawyer can let a case go on for months. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer.
  • Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do make a U-turn.
  • Lawyers are always on the lookout for loop holes.
  • Don’t trust atoms – they make up everything.
  • A paralegal is a lawyer’s fax machine.
  • The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
  • What do you call a snake that is also a lawyer? A hiss-terical advocate.
  • Why do mathematicians and lawyers get along so well? Because they both love to argue about nothing.
  • A jury’s verdict is like a haircut – everyone wants one, but nobody wants to get one.
  • A lawyer was reading a book on the dangers of asbestos. He was riveted.
  • A lawyer was asked if he knew anything about the latest case law. He replied, “No, but my paralegal does.”
  • A legal decision is like a chicken’s beak – it’s hard to swallow, and it makes you choke.
  • A judge’s decision is like a good fire – it keeps you warm for a while, but you know you’re going to get burned eventually.
  • Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? Because he wanted to reach the level of the judge.
  • I’ve got a great lawyer joke, but there are some objections.
  • A lawyer’s favorite computer game? Sue-doku.
  • Why are lawyers always calm? They have a lot of case precedent.
  • Why did the judge wear a wig? He was having a bad hair verdict.
  • A criminal insisted on representing himself in court – talk about a fool for a client.
  • A judge asked a lawyer if he wanted to be treated like he was ignorant. The lawyer responded, “I don’t know.”
  • Why did the jury go home early? They were verdicted out.
One-Liner Legal Puns

Funny Puns For Legal Kids

  • What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.
  • Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the courthouse.
  • What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t fight for his clients? Unemployed.
  • Why did the judge wear stripes? He wanted to be the jailhouse rock.
  • Why did the lawyer bring a gun to court? He wanted to shoot down objections.
  • What do you call a lawyer who is always on the phone? Bill.
  • Why did the lawyer bring a dog to court? He wanted a top-dog lawyer.
  • What do you call a lawyer who is always fishing? A legal angler.
  • Why did the judge go to rehab? He couldn’t handle the bar anymore.
  • What do you call a snake who is also a lawyer? A liar with a judicial tongue.
  • Why did the dispute between the two attorneys end in a handshake? Neither of them had a leg to stand on.
  • Why did the lawyer carry his briefcase on his head? He was trying to raise the bar.
  • What’s a lawyer’s favorite musical instrument? The lawsuit-aphone.
  • Why did the lawyer lose his case? He was out-lawyered.
  • Why did the lawyer consider buying a goat? So he could have a legal capra-corn.
  • What do you call a lawyer who makes sure all his clients stay healthy? A legal practitioner.
  • Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? Because he wanted to climb the ranks.
  • What do you call a lawyer who is also a magician? An abracad-abra-lawyer.
  • Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  • Why did the lawyer bring a hammer to court? He wanted to nail down his case.
  • What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? A judge.
  • Why did the lawyer go to the beach? To catch some waves.

Legal Puns Used In Movies

  • “I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.” – The Godfather (1972)
  • “The law? The law is a human institution.” – My Cousin Vinny (1992)
  • “You can’t handle the truth!” – A Few Good Men (1992)
  • “Why do you suppose I just hurled a chair at your head, Mitchell?” – Changing Lanes (2002)
  • “We got rules. We got a badge. You don’t just go shooting people like that!” – L.A. Confidential (1997)
  • “You’re out of order! You’re out of order! The whole trial is out of order!” – …And Justice for All (1979)
  • “I object, Your Honor! This courtroom is a den of lies!” – Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (2012)
  • “What we have here is a failure to communicate.” – Cool Hand Luke (1967)
  • “I’m not a lawyer. I’m an attorney. Lawyers practice law. Attorneys use the law to pry money out of rich people’s pockets.” – The Lincoln Lawyer (2011)
  • “You cannot handle the scale of my fail.” – The Other Guys (2010)
  • “I ate a tuna sandwich on malpractice day.” – Scrubs (2001-2010)
  • “We’re all Lawyers here. Let’s not engage in hyperbole”
  • Legally Blonde (2001) 13. “You know the thing about lawyers? They’re always scheming.” – The Dark Knight (2008)
  • “You’re never gonna win with a flipchart, Harry.” – The Secret In Their Eyes (2009)
  • “Oh my God, the bend and snap works every time.” – Legally Blonde (2001)
  • “I’ll take the case if nobody else will, because nobody else would.” – The Rainmaker (1997)
  • “Objection! Leading the witness.” – A Few Good Men (1992)
  • “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you.” – Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (1999-)
  • “This is the case that’ll make me famous.” – The Verdict (1982)
  • “This is the ultimate challenge, if we take this on, we’re gonna need a team.” – Erin Brockovich (2000)
  • “You never win cases, you win negotiations.” – The Firm (1993)
  • “It’s years later now, and this case still has a hold on me.” – The Pelican Brief (1993)
  • “This is not a court of justice, son. This is a court of law.” – To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
  • “He who represents himself has a fool for a client.” – The Devil’s Advocate (1997)
  • “It’s not enough to know the law, you have to know how to win.” – The Good Wife (2009-2016)


We hope you’ve enjoyed these legal jokes and puns, and that they brought a smile to your face. Humor is an important part of life, especially in high-stress professions like law. So, take a break, have a laugh, and come back to your work refreshed and ready to tackle your next case. And who knows, you may even be able to use one of these legal pick-up lines to impress a fellow lawyer or law student. But let’s not get too carried away. Remember to always stay professional, even when making a joke. Thanks for reading, and we wish you all good luck in your legal endeavors!

About the author

Hilly Martin