109+ Marriage Puns to Tickle Your Funny Bone

Marriage Puns
Written by Hilly Martin

Marriage is a beautiful bond that brings two people together for a lifetime. However, sometimes things can get a little dull, and laughter is the best medicine to keep the relationship healthy. Nothing can make both partners smile more than a pun, especially puns related to marriage.

This article is a comprehensive guide to some of the best and most creative marriage puns. Whether you are a newly wedded couple looking to make your partner laugh or a friend trying to find the perfect pun to include in a wedding speech, this article has got you covered. From one-liner puns to funny puns for kids and movie references, we have every type of pun covered. So, let’s dive in!

What are Marriage Puns?

A pun is a type of wordplay that uses two or more meanings of a single word or phrase to create humor. Marriage puns, as the name suggests, use words and phrases related to weddings, marriage, and the relationship between spouses.

These puns can be funny, witty, or even cheesy, depending on the person delivering them. They are commonly used in wedding speeches, social media captions, and everyday conversations. Now, let’s look at the best marriage puns in different categories.

Best Short Marriage Puns

  • I’m getting married next month. I can’t wait to annul all my previous vows!
  • The last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood.
  • My wife asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
  • I’ve never been married, but I can imagine it’s like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park!
  • What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator. That’s what my wife is – always trying to find something!
  • Why did the husband bring a ladder to bed? To climb his wife into his dreams!
  • My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with astrology. I’m a Sagittarius, and we don’t believe in such nonsense.
  • Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  • I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes – about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
  • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  • A successful marriage requires falling in love many times with the same person.
  • I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right – typical husband.
  • Marriage is like a roller coaster ride. It has its ups and downs, but you hold on and ride it out together.
  • A wedding is an event where a two-toned up and a one-toned down person band together to share their toned-down lives.
  • Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence – Oscar Wilde.
  • A successful marriage requires falling in love many times with the same person.
  • Marriage is a bond between two people; one person who is always right, and the other is called a husband.
  • A marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke, and no move you make will have any effect on your opponent’s pieces.
  • A wife is someone who’ll stand by you through all the troubles you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.
  • Marriage is like a bar of soap. It starts off smooth and easy, but eventually, it gets thin and slippery.
  • An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren’t
Funny Puns for Marriage

One-liner Marriage Puns

  • Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  • Marriage is like a phone call. You either answer or disconnect.
  • They say marriage is a gamble. Well, my wife is my jackpot.
  • I got married for the first time at 40. It’s like playing a game of Monopoly and not starting until everyone else has already gone around the board a few times.
  • Marriage is like a diet. You have to watch what you eat, except it’s your words.
  • The best part of being married on Valentine’s Day is knowing you don’t have to plan anything.
  • The wedding cake is the only food that gets better when you put a ring on it.
  • I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right – typical husband.
  • Marriage is like a tornado. At first, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but eventually, you lose your house.
  • My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.
  • The secret to a successful marriage is honesty and an Xbox.
  • If at first, you don’t succeed at marriage, try, try again.
  • Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.
  • Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get in, it’s not so hot anymore.
  • Marriage is a long journey, like a road trip, only the driver is blindfolded, and the passengers give directions.
  • Why can’t a bicycle stand up on its own? It’s two-tired, like a husband after a long day of work.
  • A wife is like a hand grenade. You remove the ring, and your house is gone.
  • Marriage is a great institution – for those who like institutions.
  • Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
  • Marriage is a two-way street – on the way out.
  • Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in, and those inside are desperate to get out.
  • Marriage is like a garden. You have to grow it and nurture it, or the weeds will take over.

Funny Puns for Marriage

  • After 40 years of marriage, my wife still makes my heart race. Unfortunately, it’s not because of her looks; it’s because of the stair-climber.
  • You know you’re in a happy marriage when you’re both willing to kill the spider.
  • I realized after getting married that I didn’t just gain a wife; I also gained a whole new wardrobe.
  • If at first, you don’t succeed at marriage, try doing it sober.
  • Marriage is like a glass of water. It’s refreshing in the beginning, but after a while, you want something stronger.
  • The secret to a successful marriage is honesty, communication, and a really good hiding place for your snacks.
  • Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
  • Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with hearts and diamonds but end up with spades and clubs.
  • A wife is like a Wi-Fi signal. She will leave you when you need her the most.
  • Marriage is like a roller coaster. You can either scream and hold on or throw your hands in the air and enjoy the ride.
  • The hardest part of marriage is sharing the remote.
  • A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
  • Marriage is like a phone call. Once you say your vows, you can’t hang up.
  • Marriage is like a game of chess. The queen never gives up her power without a fight.
  • Marriage is like a deck of cards. Sometimes, you have to reshuffle to get it right.
  • Marriage is like a circle. It has no beginning
  • and no end, so it’s important to make every moment count.
  • The only way to have a happy marriage is to be married to a happy person.
  • Marriage is like a gym membership. If you don’t use it, you lose it.
  • Marriage is a partnership, but sometimes it’s more like a game of tug-of-war. You just have to make sure you’re both pulling in the same direction.
  • Marriage is like a party. You can’t leave early, or you’ll have to answer questions why.
  • Love is grand, but divorce is a hundred grand.
  • Marriage is like a firework. It can be beautiful and amazing, but sometimes it can be loud and messy.
  • Marriage is like a marathon. It takes a lot of preparation and endurance to cross the finish line.
One-liner Marriage Puns

Marriage Puns for Kids

  • Why did the bride wear white? Because she was getting married!
  • What do you call a married spider? A-husband!
  • Why did the groom bring a hammer to the wedding? Because he wanted to nail the ceremony!
  • What do you get when you cross a wedding ceremony with a baseball game? A home run!
  • Why did the bride and groom go to the doctor right after their wedding? They were suffering from a bad case of the tying the knot.
  • What do you call a ring that’s lost its diamond? Single.
  • What did one wedding cake say to the other wedding cake? “You’re my better half.”
  • Why did the groom jump into the lake right after the wedding? He wanted to take the plunge.
  • What do you call a dinosaur that’s getting married? A pre-historic spouse.
  • How do mummies get married? They take a bandage oath.
  • What do you call a wedding between two astronauts? A space wedding.
  • Why did the groom wear a kilt to his wedding? Because it was his marriage duty.
  • What do you call a wedding with only two people? A wedding-duo.
  • What do you call a marriage between a snowman and a snowwoman? An ice age.
  • What did one wedding say to the other wedding? Let’s get the party started.
  • What do you call a wedding reception with no food? A desserted wedding.
  • Why did the wedding photographer get arrested? He shot the bride.
  • What did the wedding planner say to the bride? Don’t worry – you won’t remember a thing!
  • What do you call a wedding with lots of champagne? A bubbly event.
  • Why did the bride and groom hire a marching band for their wedding? They wanted to have a grand entrance.
  • Why did the man wear his wedding ring on his middle finger? He wanted to show the world he was married, but still available.
  • What do you call a wedding between two birds? A tweetheart ceremony.
  • Why did the bride and groom run away from the wedding? They heard the ringbearer was armed.
  • What did the flower girl say when the bride threw the bouquet? “I’m too young for this!”
  • What do you call a wedding that’s all underwater? A subaquatic celebration.

Marriage Puns Used in Movies

  • “I’m also very well-versed in reverse psychology. So if I ask you to marry me, I’m really saying I don’t want to marry you.” – Will Smith, Hitch.
  • “Marriage is an institution, and you must be institutionalized to go through with it willingly.” – Jack Nicholson, The Postman Always Rings Twice.
  • “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin, The Philadelphia Story.
  • “Love is not a feeling, Mr. Burns. It’s an ability. And if you feel you’re falling out of love, then you should learn how to fall back in love again.” – Gerard Butler, Playing for Keeps.
  • “You know, I think that weddings are actually easier to handle than marriage. Yeah, you put down a deposit, and if it doesn’t work out, you’re out 50 bucks.” – Billy Crystal, When Harry Met Sally.
  • “Marriage is like a small company. You need to make sure you have the right people in the right jobs.” – Eva Mendes, Hitch.
  • “Marriage is like a Taylor Swift concert. It starts out all innocent, but before you know it, you’ve got a broken heart.” – Jennifer Aniston, The Break-Up.
  • “Marriage is like a bank account. You can’t keep withdrawing without depositing something first.” – Meg Ryan, Kate & Leopold.
  • “Marriage is like a pair of shoes. They have to fit just right and it takes a while to break them in.” – Julia Roberts, Runaway Bride.
  • “The great thing about a marriage is that if something goes wrong, there’s always someone else to blame.” – John C. Reilly, Step Brothers.
  • “Marriage is like a rollercoaster. Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down, but the ride is always worth it.” – Mila Kunis, Friends with Benefits.
  • “Marriage is like a road trip. Sometimes you take the scenic route, sometimes you hit a detour, but in the end, you arrive at your destination together.” – Steve Carell, Crazy, Stupid, Love.
  • “A good marriage is like an old car. It may not be shiny and new, but it will get you where you need to go.” – Diane Keaton, The Family Stone.
  • “Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get, but it’s always sweet.” – Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump.
  • “Marriage is like a dance. Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow, but you always end up moving together.” – Olivia Wilde, Drinking Buddies.
  • “Marriage is like a plant. You have to water it every day, or it will wither and die.” – Betsy Brandt, Breaking Bad.

Final Thoughts

Whether you’re happily married, newly engaged, or single and just looking for a good laugh, these marriage puns are sure to lighten the mood and bring a smile to your face. From clever one-liners to humorous movie quotes, there’s something here for everyone. So, go ahead and share these puns with your loved ones or use them to add some humor to your wedding speeches or anniversary cards. After all, laughter a good marriage needs it just as much as love and commitment.

About the author

Hilly Martin